Thursday, May 26, 2011

A thing called LIFE

There seems to be a lot of negative things going on right now. It seems like as soon as we jump past one hurdle, another one pops up. God is testing my faith, or something! It started a while ago. Remember T's bruises? Yep, I think that's where it began. Or maybe even before that with L's reflux. I felt prepared for the reflux, though. I didn't think it'd be this bad or last this long though. It did for T, but I was optimistic that T was the exception and L would be more like the "norm." No such luck in our family. In the past month, we've dealt with reflux, changing our diet because the meds just aren't working enough, constant sicknesses, recurrent pink eye (he's up to 5 times...), an upcoming procedure where L will probably be put under, more bruises, nursing problems, and now my grandma has both feet in casts. God is good, though. Even in all the stress we've been going through, God has been good. L's reflux is actually starting to get better. He still has it, but we are definitely seeing changes. We're also seeing changes in his skin. He used to have eczema on his legs but that seems to be gone. And as if that's not wonderful enough, I have actually been feeling better too! I did not expect that! As a child, I was diagnosed with IBS because of stomac issues that the doctor couldn't find any other reason. I have a daily stomach ache and I've had it for years. I also have a constant head ache. All day, every day. Strange I know! But since going gluten free, both of those issues seem to have cleared up. Amazing, isn't it? As far as the sicknesses, pink eye/procedure, and bruises are concerned...well, my kids could be a lot sicker. There are kids out there battling lift threatening illnesses. The dr ran a test to check T for Leukemia and it came back normal. Yes those things are annoying, but that's about it. Annoying. They are not going to change our entire lives. We'll be past these soon. We'll be past the nursing problems soon too. My goal is to make it a year, but nursing has never been something that I love. I have friends who loved nursing their babies. I hate it. Always have hated it, even with T (especially with T). My time spent nursing L seems to be like my life right challenge after another. First I had to go off dairy, then it started hurting again (worse than when I first started nursing either baby), and the wheat issue, he refuses a bottle and paci, more pain and cracked nipples (TMI, I know... lol, sorry...), a little biting, and now, 9 months in, more cracks and bleeding. OUCH!!! I cannot tell you how frustrating this whole experience has been. And the mommy guilt, I just can't quite. It wont let me. I HAVE to keep going because I believe it's the best thing for my baby. And even if I wanted to quit, it wouldn't be easy. Like I said, L refuses a bottle. He loves nursing. We recently found out that his upper lip is tied (similar to a baby who is tongue tied, but with his lip instead). So at least we have a reason for the pain. There's not much we can do about it right now, but I feel better knowing why it still hurts :) Be in prayer for my grandma. Like I said earlier, she has both feet in casts. She was supposed to fly across country on Saturday to come with us to the beach. We were going to celebrater her 70th birthday while we're there. But now she obviously can't fly here and go with us :( I'm so sad. I love my grandma and we don't get to see her enough!!! THIS STINKS! I know my thoughts have been really mushed together lately. I just haven't been thinking clearly. I'll get back to writing in an understandable way soon, promise ;)

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